An anchor

One more time I was standing on that corner.  I inhaled very deep, swallowed fear and was prepared to confront the avenue with destiny to the Law Faculty. Normally I don’t do that, and I suppose nobody do, but this time I look around before the green light came. Then I saw her, small, brunette, slim and specially... blind.

I believe all the people happens the same. The temptation to give their arms to help that woman to cross the complicated streets of Santiago is exactly the same about offer our sit in any public bus.  Nobody will reproach our behavior if we don’t do that. Nobody except our conscience, our fucking conscience, who will never kill us, but can be so uncomfortable like a splinter in our hand.

Was with that conviction that I came close to her. Nothing of great altruism and a lot of schoolboy manners. I didn’t know what was waiting for me.

As soon as she hold my arm thigtly, she did some observations about my voice. Few seconds after she began to flirt with me, and we were together since... 10 seconds?... 20 seconds? Suddenly she started to recite something. I don’t remember all the details. I was very disturbed and uncomfortable, but I remember some images about lovers and the waves at the sea.

“Is from Pablo Neruda” she said. “Blind people usually don’t like poetry because they never saw some images poets use”. I was very surprised about that woman, but then she continued: “I know the sea, because I’ve felt the salty moist on my face. I listened it, smelled it. Because that I can understand Neruda’s poetry”

After that I couldn’t say anything, because all the words in the world were so empty and swallow. “And you know what? I know what is an anchor. Is what ships use to be safe on the sea”. That was the last thing she said before to take the bus in Santa María avenue and disappear in front of me in the same way she came, casually.

After some seconds... 10?... 20?... and eternity? I lit a ciggy and waited for some will to enter under the stern twelve columns who were waiting for me. But before to go, I closed my eyes for a while, trying to realize if I can understand a poem about some lovers and the sea; to feel the sea on my face. That casual talk, with that casual woman bring me back the sight.

I used to call her my teddy bear because she was little and soft. She was always so good on bed. I was totally crazy about her. I use to deal with guys who don’t have anything heavenly and I’m not also a cute boy, but is my life and is the way I have to pay for my drinks. But I liked to forget all the ugly part of my work entangled in her white little body, while her breath touched my ears. Every agitated sigh was a delicious dessert. “will you love honey? will you love forever?” Her body was a something very adictive, and that was my fault.

In my bussines is very bad if you are with somebody who always have her bed warm and like to talk too much but I didn’t mind anything.  In some way I allways believed in her words, or wanted to do. It was like the same kind of faith I have in religion. Something likely, a blind smack, a walk into darkness. Yes, is the same story of the drunk. Everytime the glass invite you to forget all for a while. But then... the hangover.

The fact is she betrayed me. Some idiot told me she did the same questions and also asked if he will love her forever The question is, in this work if you don’t have respect you are death. Call me troglodyte, call me brute, caveman, basic, savage... I don’t care about what the people will say about me. In my bussines only one thing is important and if you losed  it, you have to get it back.

It was so easy. I did the same again, the only thing in life I’m good. I was totally prepared to make it very silent, discreet, fast, almost painless. Of course that time was a little different... I’m not a man without blood in his veins. It was my last gift to her.

I felt how the heat was leaving her so slowly while her body was sliding trought my arms like a silk dress. She was turning into something different, a memory, a diffuse figure dancing into the half-light. Something to remember when the night come to sleep with me in my dark and small room.

“Will you love forever honey? You will love forever?” Yes, yes my teddy bear. Now I’m totally sure, I will love you forever