It came so easy to my mind. A shot on his head and then a long and deep breath... become void. Many times in many ways I made movies on my head about the situation. The bastard sleeping on his bed, me sliding my foots on the floor, becoming the hunter, the perfect revenge for all this years, for all my tears, the blows, the blood on my face, the silent screams, the cheap excuses, the bullshit.

     I don't remember when or how it started, sincerely I don't want to remember. Just have his stinky breath of cheap beer on my nose forcing me. How I hated him during those moments, how filthy, impure, diminished, humiliated, abused I was. So if you think I didn't have any reason you are wrong. I had. Rage is a reason? maybe not for a war. Maybe I'm using the wrong word. You know, I'm not a thinker or a philosopher. Anyway, I don't mind. Between me and him it was my feelings, and none was nice, I swear, none.

     I just needed the will, the opportunity, I don't know. After some time you really start to live and think as a zombie, a slave of his shitty life. Just waiting, waiting for the moment when he opened the door and the nightmare starts. I laugh now when people tells me they had a nightmare last night, cause I lived in one.

     Of course I had also the crazy idea of commit suicide. But after all, it was just a way out for me. No, don't think that I'm a hero or something. I didn't thought about to avoid the same suffering for other women. I don't belong to that kind of humankind. It was just his stupid smile coming to my mind and the desire to erase it what pushed me.

     It wasn't something well planned. I didn't say "this night will be" or " I will do that next week". Sometimes the bag is full enough of shit, just that. Sometimes you have to get out of you the shit. To clean, if you like. I'm not good with words, I never was.

     Because of that I never thought that the rest of the people could understand me. Never waited for a happy end for that. But you know something? In spite of everything, just watching the bars on my prison, the dirty bathrooms and all, I never felt myself more free than now. Never.

    Sooner or later all the atmosphere start to change. Maybe is some kind of evil plan made it by all the companies, maybe is because after all we are in the end of the year, maybe is just because we enjoy it.

     All the shopping malls, all the great avenues, the house of my neighbors, all start to be totally on green, with little lights, and all the kids are thinking if they were enough good during the year. I think even us, because we always keep a little kid inside.

     How is here? Very different from the north part of the world. We don't have snow, maybe we forgot also the real meaning of such days. Days are very hot indeed, and all the people are running as fast as they can for prepare all for that night. Of course, always we forgot somebody, and when that person come we just feel miserable because we don't have any gift. Is all about gifts? Here the answer is YES. OK, OK, very consumer way to celebrate something with so deep meaning, even if you are not Catholic or Christian.

     I'm not catholic or Christian, or Jewish, or Muslim, or Buddhist, I don't feel a close connection with a religious way to celebrate any holiday, but also I'm against such race against time for spend the money you don't have because all the time the TV is remembering you how bad person you are if you don't give a expensive gift.

     For me is about to spend time with the people you love, and to think about all those who are not with you. Is a beautiful excuse for have a nice dinner with your family, and be a kid again waiting for some magical being who come once per year to your home. Is not about snow and deer, not here, although some poor old guys are working with clothe for European winter during the Chilean summer.

     Uf! many things to say. For now if somebody is reading this piece of paper inside a bottle, maybe is a good idea to tell how is Christmas in different countries. So, now is turn for some post. Now I have to write my letter to "El Viejito Pascuero" (here the name for Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, Pere Noel, etc)

This is a question. can you see the face on the sky? Do you have a theory about it? 

SoMebody asked me to write something more gentle about Polish people. She said that now I'm some kind of ambassador of them. I will do that because I want to talk also about European people, how far or close they are from some stereotypes.

I have to say first that when I went to the "Old World" in my head I was rejecting all those preconceptions you can easily find on the web. Some of them changed, some not.

One day, after a couple of days, with some irony I thought for myself "All the white people are the same, I can't make any difference between them". If you are the kind of person that use the first image about everything, then you are agree with me in that point, and nothing will change after to read this post. In the same time you will say the same about African, Asian, Arabic and, of course, Latin people. All the world are prisoners of one or more preconceptions.

Thanks I was totally wrong, blind and I gave myself the chance to know more deep people and learn about diversity. I learned about my own mistakes.

Which are my conclusions? First, I don't know anything about people, and they can be good or bad whatever the country they belong. That also for my own people mi raza like Latin people call ourselves in US.

What more? Of course I felt more close connections with Latin European people. I meet people from Spain and Portugal and many of them are my friends now. But connection is not about to belong to any cultural world. I have also very close friends from different's parts of the world: France, Germany, Korea, China, Ukraine, Ireland, Turkey Korea, RSA, etc. One of my best friends in the world is now Austrian... my brother.

But besides that, the idea about how cold are people in Europe is totally wrong. I have to say that I thought Slavic people were all rather cold. Wrong again Gonzalo, and I'm very happy to know that already. Polish people are considered in many ways bad people among all the European countries. People say "they are thieves, drunk, conservative, racist, etc" and about girls unfortunately is well known as an idea that Polish girls are synonymous of easy dumb woman ready for have sex with any foreigner. I wonder how sad and angry any person in the world can be if anybody start to talk in that way about your country.

But the fact is I never saw people more similar to my own. I never felt the cordiality and the warmth I had with that friendly and proud country. Such amazing, great, rich and, at the same time, sad History. I felt like in home, but not the same. A new one.

Many of you who know me already have some smile on your faces, because you know how "impartial" are my opinions now, "yes, sure. He's making some kind of Apology of Poland because..."

As I wrote before, give you a chance to learn an discover by yourselves. A world with many great people is ready for you. Give your hand and your mind to the human kind, let's be one.

By the way... I really hate Slovakian people. Somebody have to throw a bomb in that despicable country ;)

This story was true, totally. For reasons you will understand later, I can't use all the real names, so I will not use your name Stefan, nobody will know that you were that night with me. Is okay my friend?

One evening in Krakow I meet an incredible friend, my brother, my Austrian brother. The most similar person to me I ever meet... but in "Arian" version. The fact is we felt the need to talk deeper, get out our sadness, share our life experiences and to dive into the night life of that magical city. Because I was something like an "expert", I propose to him to try with polish vodka in one of the many places I visited before.

I was looking exactly one. I was there many weeks ago. It was a quiet bar inside some building. A perfect place to drink some Wyborowa and try to solve the world, or maybe just our lives.

People say that by night all cats are black. I saw some place, very similar, and that was enough to me, so I decided we should go inside. I must say that the atmosphere was nice, a little bar, just a couple of guys drinking, all the people very warm, something like a club of friends. Perfect place I thought, and also Stefan, so we started with some wodka shots.

Then all started to change. An old guy, maybe 55 years old, came to our table. He was some kind of typical old polish guy, which means basically somebody with Lech Walesa look. He wanted to talk with us, but in German. When Stefan asked him why not in English  he said "English is a language for black people"... nice!!!

So we started to "talk". That guy and Stefan in German, and then the English translation to me. I notice the face of Stefan started to change a little while more they were talking, and the he look at me and said "Gonzalo, this guy is totally gay, and I think he's in love of me". After that I asked him to leave this place, but he said "you know, this situation is even funny, so let's continue this talk and see what happens".

While more we talked, more that old guy was looking at my friend with "in love face". In some point "Walesa" suggested that we were a couple, and not a straight guys, and if that was the situation, we were a "nice couple". Then Stefan had the good idea to go to the toilet and leave me alone with that guy. He was totally drunk, speaking in German and Polish, with somebody who were able to speak in English and Spanish, what a lovely talk!

Of course I was nervous! But I saw the owner of the bar, who speaks English, and I asked him to translate what he was saying because "this guy is gay, and I don't want to have a misunderstanding". He saw me and made a very mysterious smile (Monalisa's smile was nothing compared with that one!). When my friend came, suddenly another guy come to our table, and that one was... also gay! and worse (oh my luck) he was crazy with the fact I was Latino. Then the situation was dangerous for both, and Stefan said "Could you excuse us? we need to go to the toilet... together" Of course it was the only way to escape about that situation which was turning faster and faster more... surrealistic.

But when we came back to our table, then we started to notice the fact that all the people around us were guys, and... it was so fast... we didn't had time to even say what we discover... a louder music coming from inside the bar started to invade all the place... a Village People song... and when we saw the interior... I will never forget what I saw... a lot of guys were dancing without t-shirts  over the bar!

Yes... it was a gay bar. Maybe the only one in the whole Krakow, and we were among all those guys. Even the owner, the one who gave me that smile was among them. When we were drinking our wodka as fast as we could, Walesa came again to our table, without t-shirt, and I will say without dignity, because his pants were below, close to the floor. He invited us to join the "party", and then we understood or fate... or we start to run like hell or... I never liked disco music anyway.

When we were leaving the place, more guys came to our table to try to convince us to stay there. One of them even knew a lot about Chilean wine, and even invited to me to visit him at his work... to taste the red "dangerous" Chilean proud. We went out, walking very fast, just thinking to see all the girls in the universe in front of us because we had enough of guys that night. 

Moral of the story? alcohol is bad, no matter if is Wodka or Wine. Another one? Never believe you are an expert because you went to one place just one time in your life. The last one? more I think about that night, more I like women. Sorry guys, maybe in another life.

Dedicated to my brother Stefan, who were running with me from those guys that night in Krakow (in pink words!).